Strengths: Woo

Strength #4: Woo

Wait, what does that mean? Woo apparently stands for "Winning others over." I derive satisfaction from meeting new people and making connections.I 'exude an exuberant outlook towards life' while 'regale people with illuminating accounts of incidents in my life.' Basically - I like being around people and charming them.

How do I use this knowledge? Suggested action steps:

Deliberately build the network of people who know me.

Learn the names of as many people as I can.

Whenever possible, be one of the first people others meet.

Practice ways to charm and engage others.

Partner with a person who is skilled in relating or empathy, so they can grow the relationships I cultivate.

Practice telling stories. I want to be a great storyteller (which relates to another one of my upcoming talents, hint hint), and to do that I need to practice more - identify what elements of story work and what don't.

Roles in which I would succeed: A job in which I can interact with many people over the course of a day (receptionist?)

I think this relates to how I am interested in small group communities.I like being in group settings and charming people. It reminds me of conversations my wife and I had when we were getting married - because she is very skilled in relating and empathizing (not my cup of tea, by any means). We were excited about the partnership - because she can relate one on one, and I can relate in group settings. I'm excited to see that identified as a positive step, and one I've started working on.

Sabbath Group

A couple of days ago I asked you to imagine Church as it could be. It seems only fitting then that I tell you a bit about how Church is, right now, for me.

Church, in my experience and history, has always had two components; a heart and a backbone. I went to church for the heart, and the backbone helped support that. Let me explain.

When I first started going to church (First Baptist of Spring Lake), the church itself was the backbone. Sunday services, prayer meeting, etc. These supported what truly drew me to Church -Youth Group, which was the heart of it for me. I was drawn by the community and the relationships that Youth Group offered.

College had the backbone of Bible College and the heart of Monday Midnight Prayer. Post-College had Seacoast Church and EveryTuesday, but more importantly, "Family Dinner," a Sunday night prayer gathering. It was when I moved back to Michigan that things started to change. I bounced from community to community, not having a strong backbone. I did have "Friday Nights at the Muffin Place," which was a great way to grow in relationships.

And now I've moved to Seattle and have not found a typical "church" to partake with and of. I don't have the backbone that was so familiar and helpful as I was growing up. But recently, I've found the heart of a community that truly draws me - Sabbath Group.

We meet weekly in each others homes and have a meal and drink wine. We take turns sharing how our lives are going and what God is doing. We share hardships and successes, laugh and cry, drink and dream. Tomorrow, we'll get together and make homemade pizza's and watch the Superbowl.

So that's the place I'm in with Church. My wife and I have talked recently about finding the space and place to reintroduce some sort of backbone to our lives, but I feel no pressure. It's been an interesting journey to here; but it's helped me realize what's important and what's not; what I will fight for and what I will take a pass on; what's worth the trouble and what's not.

The Struggle for Intimacy

We had a conversation in Sabbath Group two weeks ago. It was about where the Sabbath group was going to go; how we were going to change and how we weren’t the same anymore. There is a struggle for intimacy that we have now; the group has grown and changed. It’s harder to share because there are people in Sabbath group who you don’t know; who are for all intents strangers. And I think that struggle for intimacy happens in more than just our Sabbath group.

I think intimacy is being open and authentic and real - letting people know who you are and what you think. And that’s scary; so it leads to the thought that intimacy only happens by going smaller. It’s impossible to be intimate in a conference setting; very difficult in a church setting; hard in a small group setting, and something you have to work at in a marriage.

It’s not hard to see why Intimacy is a constant tension. Intimacy is something that we, as a broken people, desire. Attempts to replace or bolster intimacy rule our everyday lives. So when we see something that is a clear example of intimacy, we want it. So we jump in, and lose some of the intimacy in the process.

How do we respond? I would suggest there are two ways:

1. Make Intimacy a moving target. This seems to the current way of life in America – everyone jumps in on something new, and then it’s not the same, so everyone abandons it in favor of the next “new.” Think about social networks – what is Facebook if not an attempt at knowing the people around us and being known? But now, it’s too big and too corporate. You don’t dare put real personal information on Facebook – anyone anywhere can read it. And so Facebook undergoes a backlash, and new social networking springs up. Twitter, Foursquare, Chatroulette all attempt to take some of that “intimacy space.”

The mental image I have is of frogs and lily pads. One frog jumps to a new lily pad, and it supports his weight just fine. But all the rest of the frogs join him shortly thereafter; and the lily pad sinks underneath the weight. We are the frogs, searching for a lily pad to support us. And as soon as this lily pad can no longer support us, we swim to the next one. (I have no idea if frogs actually do that).

So in this scenario, we’ll never truly be satisfied. It’s a constant search and struggle, and whenever we think we “find it” we have to start looking again. But it’s safe.

2. We could risk. Risk being intimate with the people we don’t know. Risk that it’s okay to share. Know that sometimes, someone is going to punch us in the face for being there. Someone is going to take advantage of us. It’s not going to feel worth it. We’re going to get more beat up than Michael Emerson did on Lost (pop culture reference quota: filled).

But at the same time, the reward is so much more significant. Because we can invite people into intimacy and change lives. That’s why marriages are considered life changing events by HR departments – because it’s a degree of intimacy unmatched by anything else in your life. I literally cannot imagine going back to being single anymore, and neither can any of my married friends (that I’ve talked to). A marriage is, by definition, intimate.

So now imagine if we could be intimate on some of those other levels. I’ve seen lives changed by a dose of intimacy in small group settings. What if we could be intimate in church settings? In work settings? In huge group settings?

This can only happen if we initiate and start letting ourselves be known. Only by taking the first step can we invite other into that process.

Postscript:

I think the biggest factor, of course, in any of this, is God. None of us want to end up bruised and bloodied on the altar of intimacy. But the sad truth is that if we try, the world will take advantage of us. Revealing yourself is dangerous – emotionally and physically. I don’t want to advocate anyone do anything unsafe; I think we should act responsibly. I read just the other day about a family that was robbed blind because they revealed their address in a for sale ad on Craigslist. There are bad people in the world who will take advantage of you.

And it’s only by the grace of God that this is a worthwhile endeavor. It’s not that God will protect you from being hurt; it’s just that God can give your pain meaning and purpose. I’ll write more on this later.

Mashups: Fantasy Football and Community

Authors note: Mashup is a series here at Thoughts on Life... The point of the series is to take something and view it was an allegory for something else. Mashups are intended to be funny and perhaps thought provoking. Today, we'll talk about Fantasy Football Trades and Community.

I just told you my fantasy football autodraft team. A decent, well rounded team. My largest weakness was my runningback situation, which was shallow to say the least. And then Dave Morgan offered me a trade.

I give up Aaron Rodgers (very great QB) and Beanie Wells (good RB with upside) for Joe Flacco (good-great QB) and Felix Jones (good RB) and Deangelo Williams (good-great RB). Now, normally, I just turn Dave down. Because Dave has so much more knowledge about Fantasy than I do, and I assume he's not dumb. Which means he's getting the better end of the stick. But I accepted this time.

Because I was viewing trades as a zero sum game. Dave gets positives, I get negatives. When in reality, a Fantasy Football Trade can be positive for both sides. Dave and I both met the needs of our teams. We both win, in a sense.

Community can work like this too. Sometimes, we can view community as a zero sum game - I give to you, and I lose. But what if we view it as more? We need to think of creative ways to be in community. Because if we view community as a zero sum (You get at My expense), then everyone loses.

In college, a group of guys (led by Dave Morgan himself) wanted to find a way to help homeless in downtown Grand Rapids. We had no money, so to give money or anything would physically be taking from us (although in that situation it would have meant less video games or something). So we found a creative situation - since none of us used all of our meal credits, we got food to go - and gave it to the homeless people. It was a way for everyone to win (except the university, who hated that we were using the meals that we paid room/board for).

What other ways can you think of to bring community out of the realm of zero sum?

In Honor Of - 4

To the greatest collection of Men I know:

Suiteness

There is no group I know that embodies community in this way. I am honored to be counted amongst their "Friends and Associates."

May Suiteness live on in your hearts.