On Provision

A friend recently wrote a blog post about discovering the ways that God will bless him this year. I read it and wished that I would start to see that in my life.

And then my car broke. And life was paused.

And so my wife and I prayed for miracles, for solutions, for answers. We didn't have 3 grand to fix the car, but we needed a way to get around. We shared our need for cash and our need for rides with our communities, and lo and behold, our needs were met and answered.

Over the space of three weeks, we only took the bus three times. Neither of us needed to miss work or school once - because people blessed us with rides.

After making our needs known, we were gifted with 1500 dollars to help repair our car - with only 300 needing to be paid back.

And then, to top it off, I found an auto-repair shop that would be able to save me about 800 dollars on the repair. I brought the car there to get the repair done (a head-gasket replacement).

They called me about four hours after I brought it in. They couldn't find a leak in the head-gasket. Instead, there was an issue with the fan-cooling relay that would cause the car to leak fluid and look like a head-gasket issue. They repaired that for about 10% of the original estimate. I saved 2800 dollars, and was able to afford to repair the brakes as well.

We'll even be able to give back a majority of the money that was gifted to us.

Sometimes you have to sit back and be thankful. Jess and I have been so thankful for our friends and family that have supported us in this time. Thank you so much.

Life: Paused

There is something so frustrating about the pause.

That moment where you have to stop where you are and pick it up again later. It drives me crazy when I have to pause a movie and stop in the middle of some cool action scene (or more accurately, when my wife pauses the movie).

What's worse is when you pause the movie and get so engrossed in something else, that you forget about your movie until a few hours later. My DVD player will shut off about twenty minutes after you pause it, if you don't do anything. Then you have to try to restart, figure out where you were, and hope the beginning of the movie remains fresh.

Life pauses too. And my life has been in a (meta)pause, and a (mini?) pause.

Last week, my car blew a head gasket. The repair will cost between two and three grand - money I just don't have. It's been so frustrating, because I've been thinking about all the things I wanted to do this year - look at my New Years Resolutions, for jeepers sake! And without a car, a lot of those seem unreachable or unattainable. I felt like I was growing and in a good place, and all of a sudden it was three steps backwards.

Isn't there a cruel irony in finally paying for YMCA membership and using it to get in shape and then your car breaks and you can't get there?

So my life is in a (mini)pause.

But my life is also in a (meta)pause.

My life had forward momentum until I got married. Now I'm married, but there isn't a momentum in my life, because I'm in the "supporting spouse" role right now. I'm not complaining - I love my wife, I love being married, and I love being in Seattle. It just seems strange that I haven't taken an active role at a church in two years. I haven't applied for a pastorate type position in about a year and a half.

And that's not necessarily bad. I think I burned myself out in those roles for a long time. Perhaps instead of using the word pause, I should think of this time in my life as a breather?

Breather: A moment of anticipation where you stand on the edge of a slippery dock and wait to jump into the icy water.

When I think in those terms, it's helpful. Pause, for me, is so negative, but breather is beautiful and full of hope. So currently in my life, I'm in a (meta)breather and a (mini)breather.

I don't know. Hopefully these thoughts are helpful - what do you think?

Postscript: I struggled to not make (meno)pause jokes the entire time I was writing this.

Tune in later for: The church experience I'm in currently versus Imagine Church

one steP

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." - Greg Anderson

Joy is found not in finishing an activity, but in doing it.

The JOURNEY and not the destination.

Because here's the truth:

You can leave your friends and family behind, pack all of belongings in a decrepit old minivan, and drive 2300 miles accross the country.

You can cross 7 states, and every type of scenery and terrain.

You can stop and admire the mountains, the plains, the deserts, the fields.

You can even arrive.

But the story never ends there.

Because on arrival, you realize there's more. The JOURNEY wasn't just about the trip.

It was only the beginning.

one stEp

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end." Ursula K. LeGuin

The end of the JOURNEY approaches. You can feel it in your soul.
This is the moment, the culmination.
And then your tire blows out.
Thirty miles from the end of the JOURNEY.
It's the most frustrating thing in the history of the western world. At least to you it is.
It seems that the closer we get to the end of the JOURNEY the more we get focused on the end of the JOURNEY. We forget that the JOURNEY is what's important, and not the destination.
So those problems and issues that seemed funny or humorous at one end seem life altering and scary at the other end of the JOURNEY.
We need to relax and realize that the JOURNEY is still worthwhile, even thirty miles from our destination.
There are still things to learn, even when we're only 30 miles away.

one sTep

"A journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it." - John Steinbeck

One thing that Jess and I swore to each other about our JOURNEY to Seattle would be this - we would let the JOURNEY evolve. We didn't have a set destination each night. We didn't have particular food places to stop at (other than the ones that we had wedding gift cards from). We weren't committed to a certain type or caliber of motel. Most importantly?
We didn't have a time table.
It seems to me that it would be a terrible thing to drive 2300 miles across the country and not stop to see anything interesting. There are so many stops, so many sights, so many people, between Grand Rapids and Seattle. If we had simply rocketed past them, we would have missed so many opportunities we would probably never get again.
It's the same way with our life JOURNEY. I'm sure it's easy to just settle into a forty hour work week and live my life without ever really living it. Without experiencing the sights and sounds and smells of the people and places I'm in. Routine and habit become friends that we're comfortable with. It's so much easier, wherever we go, to order the same meal at that same chain restaurant. I know exactly what I'm getting.
But if you did that, you would miss out on the Corn Palace's of the world. Or the Charleston Cafe's. You would miss entire genre's of life.
So as strange and as hard as it may be sometimes, we need to slay the dragons of routine and habit. And live life experimentally.

one Step

"Journeys end in lovers' meeting; every wise man's son doth know." - William Shakespeare

If the JOURNEY can result in problems, in difficulty, in conflict, then they also present an opportunity.

An opportunity for redemption, for reconciliation, for love.

So the greater the difficulty, the more hope for reconciliation.

Side note - isn't the phrase "hope for reconciliation" great? It sort of rolls off the tongue with meaning and power.

I think this has to do with life. Trials and tribulations stretch us and grow us; this is ancient wisdom, and goes beyond platitudes. Hard work results in strength, which makes the work easier.

This is not simply a physical idea. It's relational.

The more your relationship can bend without breaking, the stronger it is. So when my wife and I have difficulties on the JOURNEY (almost entirely from my own issues), that will make us stronger in the long run. I should still work on my stuff, but the tension and conflict is good for us. I should communicate more and be more sensitive. Not only should I, but I need to. I need to learn from my mistakes - otherwise the hope for reconciliation is wasted. It's a growth opportunity.

This helps to partly explain why some of the best friendships in the world are formed on the JOURNEY. Because they are tried and tested and proven to be true.

onE step

"If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all." - Dan Rather

If a complication arises during a JOURNEY, it tends to fall into one of two categories. (Actually, just about nothing ever truly splits into two categories; these are just helpful ways of thinking).

There are logistical problems. And relational problems. And one problem can lead to an increase in another problem.

Logistical problems are problems with the JOURNEY itself. These are the passport issues, and the vehicle malfunctions, and the inability to remember to pack socks. They are usually fixed with very little long term repercussions.

Relational problems happen with the other people on the JOURNEY with us. These are born out of frustration, miscommunication, and poor expectations.

On the way to Seattle, we had several logistical problems. I'm going to highlight a couple of those, and you will start to see some of the foundation for some of the relational problems we experienced.

In the middle of a windy rainstorm, in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota, the wind caught my windshield wipers and broke them. I was going 75 miles an hour, and suddenly couldn't see. We managed to get to the nearest exit, where we were told that no mechanics in town were available; they would be busy for the next two days. So we put Rain - X on the windows and prayed.

Then, stopping at a scenic overlook, the passenger door broke. It won't close unless you press down hard on the door as you shut it. So we just don't use the door, afraid it will fall off. So Jess has to crawl across each time we get in and out of the van.

Logistically, not a great situation.

oNe step

"A journey is best measured in friends rather than in miles." - Tim Cahill

JOURNEY is meant to be communal. How do I know this? Because all of life is meant to be communal.

We aren't created to be the Lone Ranger (who, afterall, wasn't 'lone'), Henry David Thoreau, or the Unabomber. These men discovered something about the inner self, something pure.

I'm not using the word pure in a good sense. You can have pure anthrax or pure arsenic. These men discovered, in my opinion, that the pure human soul, by itself, isn't enough. The Lone Ranger needed Tonto; Thoreau needed the beauty of nature (in itself a companion); and the Unabomber was insane.

JOURNEY's do two things to relationships. They cement them, and they try them.

There is nothing like a road trip to create good friends. A friend of mine (our friendship was cemented through a JOURNEY, to India!) spent two years doing amazing spring break road trips. The stories and the language that this friend can use, with his road trip buddies, is on a different level than the ones I use in everyday conversation with him. Those men have a special bond.

My wife and I met through the same trip to India. I would submit that India helped cement our JOURNEY (and tried it). We also did a road trip to South Carolina, which further cemented our relationship.

But JOURNEY's can also try relationships.

One step

"The Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." - Lao Tzu

JOURNEY's have three distinct parts (and for general purposes, so does everything else). The part that most people are focused on is the endING. That, by definition, is the goal.

The arduous, time-consuming, back-breaking, attention-deficiting, part is the BEtweEN part. This is the part in Lord of the Rings where you start skimming, where you start losing your focus.

And there's the BEGInning. That first step. In some way, it seems that the first step sets the tone for the rest of the JOURNEY. Frodo leaves the Shire in attempted secrecy - and spends a majority of his time BEtweEN there and the endING attempting to move stealthily and in secret.

My wife and I started our JOURNEY eleven days ago. We packed my van full, to the roof, and started driving. We set out hopeful and unsure. We set out with all of our baggage, too. We set out, not wanting to leave what was comfortable, to leave our stuff, behind.

Usually, this is where I would fast forward eleven days and explain the meaning behind it. Today, I want it to be wrestled with. I want to stay in this moment, for now, hopeful, unsure, packed.