A List of 50 Things I Cannot Do

1. Start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.

2. Clean a deer.

3. Slam dunk a regulation hoop.

4. Skate, blade, or ski.

5. Hotwire a car.

6. Change my own oil.

7. Do a backflip.

8. Climb a sheer rock wall.

9. Impersonate a celebrity.

10. Grow a uni-brow.

11. Make beef stew.

12. Ride a motorcycle.

13. Create an igloo.

14. Crack a whip.

15. Hack a website.

16. Build a tree-house.

17. Speak another language.

18. Swim the English Channel.

19. Create an origami swan.

20. Rebuild an engine.

21. Make lasagna.

22. Avoid tearing up while watching Up, The Iron Giant, or The Return of the King.

23. Repair a lawnmower.

24. Draw a straight line.

25. Take a gunshot without flinching.

26. Talk my way into a villain's lair.

27. Eat a 96oz steak.
28. Bring my car into a controlled spin.

29. Hang-glide.

30. Jump across rooftops.

31. Read someone's bluff in poker.

32. Name a player on the Yankees.

33. Sing in a public setting.

34. Win a drinking contest.

35. Use a pogo-stick.

36. Train a falcon.

37. Tell you who won the World Cup.

38. List the lyrics to "It's the end of the world as we know it."

39. Drink Guinness.

40. Build a Millennium Falcon.

41. Ride a unicycle.

42. Ride a horse.

43. Throw a knife.

44. Fly-fish.

45. Outrun a bear.

46. Wrestle a gorilla.

47. Grow a ZZtop-style Beard.

48. Play a bass guitar.

49. Build a computer from scratch.

50. Give a speech to inspire America to fight off the alien invaders.