NHL: Bias Ranking

In the spirit of my NFL Bias Rankings, I present to you the first ever annual NHL Bias Rankings. As I said for the NFL Rankings:

"They're just like power rankings, but intentionally skewed to the teams that I am biased towards or against. So at the higher end you'll have teams that I hate and thus tend to root and pick against. Lower numbers more directly correspond to teams that I root for."

I'll be inventing whole new divisions (separate from the NFL Divisions). Without any further ado, here we go!

The Turtle Division

30. Pittsburgh Penguins

29. Colorado Avalanche

28. Chicago Blackhawks

Named after this particular fighting style - "The Turtle." As you can see, dirty coward Claude Lemieux has decided to fight Darren McCarty by hiding his head and trying to not get hurt. Epitome of cowardice and disgrace. For this division, we have Pittsburgh, Colorado, and Chicago. Colorado is on principle; as the employer of Claude Lemieux. They haven't really been a rivalry in years - and the last attempt to convince loyal Red Wings that they were a rival was the playoff series where Johan Franzen singlehandedly outscored the entire Colorado team (2008, nine goals to eight). Pittsburgh is on this list for employing Sidney Crosby, who I am willing to bet will not miss a single playoff game. What a weasel. And Chicago had no fans before taking the easy road to the Stanley Cup last year. Nowadays, you have to watch to not get crushed underneath the bandwagon.

The Put Up or Shut Up Division

27. San Jose Sharks

26. Nashville Predators

25. Vancouver Canucks

Seriously. If you can't win a Stanley Cup, don't even try to pretend you're any good. Doesn't matter if you get into the playoffs every year.

The Mel Gibson Division

24. Anaheim Ducks

23. Ottawa Senators

22. St Louis Blues

Can't like them on principle. Might have been cool in the past, but nowadays they're just spewing nonsense. Blue's get here for being a rival; Ducks are here for what I'm sure was black magic voodoo for their cup run (Pretty convinced Giguere had cellophane wrapped around the goal, with the way pucks would bounce out rather than in). And Ottawa... well, they probably deserve to be in the Put Up or Shut Up division, but they're from a province of Canada that comes across as snobby and pretentious. Pretentious Canadians? Unbelievable.

The Contraction Division

21. Florida Panthers

20. Atlanta Thrashers

19. Carolina Hurricanes

18. Columbus Blue Jackets

17. Minnesota Wild

If we combined all of these teams into just two teams, I'd be okay with that. Florida/Atlanta/Carolina become the Southeastern Thrashing Hurricanes. Columbus and Minnesota become the Minnesota Blue Stars. With that, the NHL goes to 27 teams, we put one in more in Canada (for a total of 28), and we can go to 4 divisions. Piece of cake.

The New York Division

16. New York Rangers

15. New York Islanders

14. New Jersey Devils

13. Buffalo Sabres

I can't think of why I don't like these teams, except that they're New York teams. My hatred of Yankees and Giants may be rubbing through. I do like Buffalo and New Jersey, mainly because they've both had amazing goaltenders (Hasek and Brodeur).

The Canadian Division

12. Edmonton Oilers

11. Calgary Flames

10. Montreal Canadiens

9. Boston Bruins

Isn't Boston in Canada? These are teams I wish were better, because they have a good rich history of hockey. Or they're canadian.

The Michael Biehn Division

8. Phoenix Coyotes

7. Philadelphia Flyers

6. Los Angeles Kings

I vaguely remember these teams from the playoffs years ago, and possibly winning the Stanley Cup through them. It was so long ago though that I don't recognize them any longer. It's like Michael Biehn - you certainly remember him from growing up with Aliens and Terminator and The Abyss, but if you saw him today you wouldn't have the foggiest idea who he was.

The Elephant Ear Division

5. Dallas Stars

4. Washington Capitals

3. Toronto Maple Leafs

Guilty pleasures, all. Shouldn't like them, but I do. Dallas had Mike Modano for awhile; perhaps in the top three of classy captains of all time (behind Yzerman and Messier). Capitals were always a fun team (and Ovechkin is a real player, unlike Crosby). And Toronto? I wish they were a team we met in the playoffs a lot. That would be a fun rivalry to reignite.

The Karl Urban Division

2. Tampa Bay Lightning

Surprisingly delightful. I've always enjoyed them, and now that their manager is good ole Stevie Y, I find myself rooting for them. They'll be in the playoffs this year, and that would a great matchup for the Stanley Cup Finals.

The Home Team

1. Detroit Red Wings

Flatout the most dominant team in hockey in the last 20 years. Since 1997, we've had 4 Stanley Cups. We've won the Central Division 9 out of the last 10 years. We're on our 10th straight 100 point season (NHL record, and active). We're also on 20 straight years in the playoffs.

And thus, the NHL Bias Rankings. I realized that because I care more about Hockey, and actually have a team that's worth supporting, there are a lot more villains than there are heroes. In football, it's about 50/50. In hockey, I like approximately 1/6 of the teams. I thought this would be a good primer, and also a good start for my NHL predictions (as the playoffs are only a week away). Go Wings!