New Years Resolutions

Somebody told me they don't believe in New Years Resolutions today, because they are concerned about being saddled with unnecessary guilt.

I believe a New Year is an opportunity to set the tone for the next year. It's not about saying "I will lose 10 pounds." It's about saying "This year, I want to be a better person." "This year, I'm going to focus on being holistic."

It's not about specific goals, but about ideas.

So in that vein, here are my specific goals for the year. I'm intentionally aiming high.

1. Lose 50 pounds.

2. Rewrite Ashram.

3. Complete a new book/project.

4. Take a ferry.

5. Go to an NFL game in person.

6. Beat my record of blog posts (109).

7. Complete my Space Marine and Lizardmen armies.

8. Win a tournament with one of those armies.

9. Get 3 Stars on all Angry Bird levels.

10. Surprise my wife with flowers at least 1/2 dozen times.

11. Visit the Space Needle.
12. Run a 5k.

13. Get less holes in my socks.

14. Pay off our PT Cruiser.

15. Be published on a website (not blog).

16. Triple my monthly blog visits.

17. Create a 5 year plan for my life.

18. Move into a new apartment/space.

19. Engage better at work.

20. Rewrite the instruction manual at work.

21. Create a home budget.

22. Get a desktop computer.

23. Win a fantasy football league.

24. Improve my NFL picks.

25. Listen to more sermons.

26. Get internet for my home.

27. Try a new restaurant every other month.

28. Create a list of movies/books that I own.

29. Create a list of movies/books that I want to own.

30. Create a list of movies/books that I've seen/read.

31. Own all the Animorphs books.

32. Create 2 short films.

33. Write 3 sermons/devotionals (that aren't for anything specific).

34. Get Ashram printed/published (self publish if necessary).

35. Own a sportcoat.

That's good enough. We'll start there!

NFL: Crystallizing the Playoff Picture

So, the AFC is locked in, and we're just finagling positions. The NFC has two spots up for grabs, and some finagling of positions. I'm not going to write much here, because in a week what I write will be obsolete. Might as well wait and see.

I'm going to review my predictions from the preseason now. Hopefully this doesn't hurt too much.

Correctly predicted that Dallas and San Diego were overhyped (and Green Bay and New York Jets are close to being overhyped).

Correctly predicted that Arizona would drop a ton, but also incorrectly theorized Pittsburgh would.

None of my surprise playoff teams made it in (Carolina, Houston, Cleveland).

Dead right about Seattle / Denver. Nothing new in their fronts.

Was wrong about worst team. Tampa turned out to be a good crappy team and Buffalo showed some spunk.

Ryan Matthews was a bust in San Diego. Glad I didn't draft him. Suh was a marvel though.

I did predict Detroit would challenge third place in the division.

My quarterback analysis wasn't bad. Flacco probably didn't belong in the top 6.

Cleveland wasn't bad down the stretch, but didn't come close to 9-7.

I picked 6/12 correct playoff teams. That's really not that good.

Let's just move on to some slightly better picks.

Week 16 in Review:

Correct Picks: Steelers, Patriots, Bears, Ravens, Rams, Colts, Packers, Buccaneers, Saints

Incorrect Picks: Cowboys, Titans (upset), Dolphins, Jaguars, Chargers (lock), Texans, Eagles

Week: 9-7

Overall: 140-98

Lock: 11-5

Upset: 5-10

Week 17 Picks:

Panthers at Falcons: A strange must-win game for the Falcons, and not a must-lose game for Carolina. I'd like to think Carolina would rise up and try to have a say in the division, but they just don't have the talent to compete with Atlanta. So Atlanta wins.

Steelers at Browns: Not a gimme game for the Steelers. The Browns have been playing to the level of their opponents - crappy against crappy teams, good against good teams. I'll take Cleveland as an upset.

Viking at Lions: I wasn't going to pick the Lions this week, but the Vikings play the weird Tuesday game, so they'll be done. I'll take the Lions. Although, I don't like the thought of Brett Favre having his final game against Detroit.

Raiders at Chiefs: As the Chiefs, I may actually want to lose this game and get the 4th seed. Because in round 2, I'd much rather play New England than Pittsburgh (if I'm a running team anyway). I think Oakland wins because Kansas City isn't worried.

Dolphins at Patriots: Patriots do play hard in these games, and the Dolphins are really not a good team. I think the Patriots will win, because Miami can't come back when Tom Brady buries them by 30 points in the first quarter.

Buccaneers at Saints: Probably a meaningless game for New Orleans, but a must-win for Tampa. So I'll take Tampa. (Although can you imagine the craziness if New Orleans somehow snuck into the #1 seed? That would be a blindside for the ages.)

Bills at Jets: The Bills, as they won't let Mark Sanchez get within ten feet (heh) of the field.

Bengals at Ravens: Baltimore has the potential to win their division, but they did play their worst game of the season against Cincinnati. Unfortunately, passionate revenge and Joe Flacco don't really go in the same sentence. So, in a stunning move, I'm taking the Bengals as a second Upset (mostly because for some reason I've only picked 15 upsets to this point).

Chargers at Broncos: Who cares! Chargers will beat up on Tebow to take out their frustrations.

Bears at Packers: Green Bay is sort of maddeningly inconsistent. Have they posted two or three good games in a row? Chicago is at least consistent (they win games but look like they should lose). I guess I'll take Green Bay.

Titans at Colts: Don't bet against the Colts, at least until the playoffs.

Cowboys at Eagles: Meaningless! Vick plays a quarter, and then Kevin Kolb picks apart the Cowboys secondary. I think this is a better game for Kolb to play in anyway, as Dallas does have a pretty bad defense.

Cardinals at 49ers: Uglyrama. Take the home team, don't watch.

Giants at Redskins: The Redskins are the Vikings of the second half of the season - a crappy team dominating headlines. I subscribe to the notion that the Giants have folded, so I will pick Rex Grossman. If I ever have to type that sentence again, you know there is a gun to my head.

Jaguars at Texans: I haven't heard, but if Jones-Drew is playing I'll take the Jaguars. Actually, I'll just take the Jaguars no matter what.

Rams at Seahawks: And it comes to this. The 7-8 Rams at the 6-9 Seahawks for supremacy of the NFC West and the right to be trounced by New Orleans. I think I'm going to take the Seahawks. Two reasons, neither having to do with football (because these teams don't really play football). Number one - After Seattle makes it as 7-9 team, there is bound to be an outcry to reseed the playoffs. Number two - I could potentially go to the New Orleans game and get drunk and make fun of Seattle fans. So Seattle is my Lock.

Predicted Seedings:

AFC (In Order): New England, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Baltimore, New York

NFC (In Order): Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, New Orleans, Green Bay

2010: Year in Review

2010 was a good year. A decent start to a decade. Let's look back on it:

I'm anticipating 108 blog posts on the year. That's nearly double the year before (only 62 posts). That's not really that great, seeing as I didn't really accomplish much else in writing.

January: Slow month. I spent the month predicting the NFL playoffs (6-5 total) and also making Lost predictions.

February: Lost Season 6 starts.

March: I unsuccessfully start participating in 750words.com, and write some more Lost Reviews.
April: I have vacation, and it's my wife 1st Birthday since we've been married. Red Wings burn out in the second round.

May: The Lost Series Finale destroys my soul.
June: First time I was Best Man in a wedding. I also wrote a series on quantum physics that didn't go far.

July: Inception rocks my world. I create a short film for a film contest and then promptly forgot about it.

August: I start a few new writing ideas. I do my first guest post and my first blog giveaway. I also turn 24.

September: The NFL Starts, and I start making picks.

October: The immensely popular NFL Bias Rankings make their first appearance.

November: Second married Thanksgiving. I enjoy it even though the turkey doesn't come out as good as last year.

December: Christmas was a great time. I really enjoyed it. It was a good blend of intimate and public, small and large.

So that's the year in review. Later this week tune in for an NFL column and New Years Resolutions.

Coolest News I've Heard All Week

Scholastic is going to relaunch Animorphs.

That's seriously cool, for my nerdy self. I used to own them all, and have recently decided to try to recollect them. The covers look pretty sweet:

Count me as interested.

Horror Movie Plots

I've said in the past that many horror movies are cliched and uninspired. So check out this "horror movie" synopsis:

Two kids are dragged underwater in a remote third world country and killed, and no one manages to catch a glimpse. After the locals rise up to defend their children, no more attacks happen...

...for nine years. Several more attacks happen, and one villager manages to catch a confusing glimpse of the creature. To help fend off the attacks, the locals call for help, and a British biologist shows up to try to identify and defeat the creature. After ruling out all manner of possibilities for the creature (crocodiles, sharks, etc) the Biologist sees a creature that shouldn't be there - or at least shouldn't be that size.

The Biologist (our protagonist) decides to set a trap for the creature. Theorizing that the creature (s) has been feeding off the half burned corpse that the locals leave in riverside funeral pyres, he creates a fake funeral pyre, and actually manages to catch the creature.

The creature - which has grown to 5 times it's normal size because of the abundance of human flesh- is...

A giant, six foot long, 160 pound, catfish, of course. Oh, and the final shot? There's a whole community of giant man eating catfish (for the sequel).

That's a crappy movie. Why? Because it hits every cliche in the book. Biologist Expert? Check. Glimpse of the monster? Check. Small child eaten to raise sympathy? Check. Even the final trap sounds likes a cheap jaws ripoff. Also, doesn't a man-eating catfish sort of sound stupid?

Good thing then that it's not a movie. This whole story is true - including the entire community of killer catfish. It happened in Nepal, on the Kali river. (And It Could Happen To You!)

I've been on a river where they have these types of funeral pyres. The entire time I was worried about seeing a dead body. Turns out I should have been worried about being eaten by a giant catfish.

Merry Christmas

"I Celebrate The Day"

by Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

The Holidays

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

I hope you enjoy the holidays and spend time with the ones you love. I figured I'd share a few things...

My Favorite Memory: My mom once tried to convince me that I should open one of my Christmas presents early, because she was so excited to see me open it.

Random Christmas Fact: I had my first live Christmas tree last year.

My Favorite Christmas Gift I've Received: 24 Christmas's so far. I think my favorite gift was still when I was a kid (first or second grade I think). I received the Jurassic Park Tyrannosaur Rex (with realistic dinosaur skin!):

My Favorite Christmas Movie: What was the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Jingle All the Way! That was always an absurd favorite. Or catching a Home Alone on TV.

Another Random Christmas Fact: I just got rid of last years live tree two weeks ago.

My Favorite Christmas Tradition: Waking up super early, and making (probably horrible) coffee for my parents. That was always their condition - we could wake them up super early, but there had better be some coffee ready.

Dumbest Thing I've Given (or Tried to Give): Well, I tried to give my alcoholic great grandfather a pack of beer once. Turns out seven year olds aren't allowed to buy beer.

My Favorite Christmas Song: I do enjoy Feliz Navidad, only because it may be the most annoying song in the history of the world, and thus I have come to enjoy it. But alas, that is not my favorite. I'll post my favorite song tomorrow, with lyrics. Until then, have a Merry Christmas!

What about You?

NFL: Quick 16

First a Review:

Correct: Chargers, Bengals (upset), Cowboys, Colts, Chiefs, Carolina, Falcons (lock), Oakland, Patriots, Bears.

Incorrect: Texans, Bills, Eagles, Lions, Ravens, Jets.

Week 15: 10-6

Overall: 131-91

Lock: 11-4

Upset: 5-9

Then the Week 16 Quick Picks:

Steelers, Cowboys, Patriots, Bears, Ravens, Titans (upset), Rams, Dolphins, Jaguars, Chargers (lock), Texans, Colts, Packers, Buccaneers, Eagles, Saints.

Writing Tip: Kill Your Little Darlings

I can't figure out who said this, because sometimes the internet is too awesome for it's own good... It could have been Anne Lamotte, William Faulkner, Sir Arthur Couch, or Jessica Mitford. Anyway, the point is:

"Kill your darlings."

When we're writing, we sometimes get attached to something. A particular phrasing or joke, or even the style of an entire composition. If we become too attached, and cannot look at something with a critical eye, we end up writing something that in the end only we can appreciate.

I was reminded of this today when receiving some criticism of my book "Ashram," a story of my trip to Varanasi, India. As you may recall, I finished a first (and a second draft) of Ashram probably two years ago. I shopped it around some publishers and agents, but never received too much interest. Since then, I've given it out to individuals to ask what they think, but made few changes to it.

One consistent criticism I have received (and truthfully, also perceived) is that the book is repetitious. It follows a consistent pattern or style. It's a story from India, followed by a life lesson.

I've known since the second draft a far better introduction for the book. But that would mean I would have to kill the pattern and style of the book and rewrite the whole thing, or at least huge chunks. And because I think that pattern really works for a chapter or two, I've struggled to do what is necessary.

But I think I'm going to try. I'm going to kill my darlings.

For those of you that are in any way familiar with my novel, here's what I'm going to do, because I'm a visual thinker. Good luck interpreting!

Mashup: Disneyworld and Abortion

Perhaps you've heard of Walt Disney? Well, of course you've heard of him. You've probably even heard about Disney World or Disney Land, the very successful theme parks. You may have heard some crazy things about these places and the lengths they go to be the best - they sort trash by hand; they retouch the paint every night; they even have a character who dresses up like a vine and hides around the park in plain sight.

Cool or crazy, right?

Well, one story I've heard that stuck with me is how Walt Disney designed the park. Walt toured theme parks around the world, trying to see what worked and what didn't work.

Oh, and he also counted how far people would walk. Specifically, how far they would walk to find a trash can. On average, Walt figured each person would walk 27 feet to throw away a piece of garbage. Much longer than 27 feet and an average person would simply drop the piece of trash.

Flash forward to Disney World / Land today. Trash cans are situated so that you are never more than 27 feet from a trash can.

Walt wanted a park that was clean and fresh. Instead of posting a sign "Please don't litter" which can be interpreted as insulting or demeaning, Walt simply removed the barrier. He made it easier to get rid of the trash.

I think this is one way that church can grow. Not just in the literal put-a-trash-can-everywhere meaning, but in a metaphorical one.

How can we as a church remove barriers, rather than post prohibitions?

Let's look at one issue that most churches abhor - abortion. I'm pretty sure most churches believe abortion should be illegal. I don't say that churches are "against" abortion because I'm pretty sure that everyone on all sides agrees that in a perfect world, they'd be against abortion.

But how has the church responded to abortion? It seems like there is a lot of guilt and anger directed at those who have done it or are thinking of it; it seems like a giant blinking neon "DON'T DO IT."

But what if the church found ways to stop posting prohibitions and start removing barriers?

Instead of ostracizing teenage moms, taking them in?

Instead of preaching about the immorality of premarital sex, having an open conversation about the beauty of a family?

Instead of basing political decisions on who vows the most to overturn Roe v Wade, vote for whoever shows the most compassion?

These are just the ideas on the top of my head. I think it's something to consider. And I'm not just talking about abortion here - it was a convenient example. How can we as a church remove barriers instead of just posting prohibitions? How do we get rid of our "No Trespassing" signs and tear down our fences?

NFL Column: Goodbye Brett Favre

Well, it's over. 297.

Even after it became curiously cool to not like Brett Favre, there was a thrill in seeing him every week suit up. Even through the wincing pain and crazy interceptions, you couldn't argue with that.

And now it's over. Some will say good riddance; some will just say good bye.

I, for one, am sad to see Brett go. It's hard to remember if it was him or Barry Sanders that I first knew about in the NFL. My favorite play I remember seeing happened in some regular season Green Bay game, and I couldn't find the youtube link. It was a pitch play to some unnamed Green Bay Running back, and all I remember is Brett Favre leading the way down the field making three downfield blocks. It looked like something out of a college play book, and was pretty tremendous.

I have two regrets for Brett... He should have finished in Green Bay. And, barring that, he should have stayed home this year. I thought that he was milking the injuries and attention this offseason when he didn't come right back... but clearly there was something wrong there. Clearly he reached that line where he wasn't the same. And it was sad to see this season.

Anyway, good bye Brett Favre.

Seriously, good bye. Don't try to come back.

Week 14 Review:

I correctly predicted these winners: Colts, Giants, Steelers, Bucs, Falcons, Jaguars, Saints, 49ers (upset), Patriots, Eagles, and Ravens (lock).

I did not predict these winners: Bills, Lions, Dolphins, Cardinals, and Chargers.

Week: 11-5

Overall: 121-85

Lock: 10-4

Upset: 4-9

Week 15 Picks:

In honor of the corrupt and laughable NCAA, let's name bowl games this week!

49ers at Chargers: The Miraculously-Only-One-Game-Behind Bowl! It's our first West/West clash! Both these teams have slim playoff chances, but a loss effectively removes them from contention. I'll take the Chargers on homefield.

Browns at Bengals: The Formerly-Edge-Of-Elite-Quarterback Bowl! Bengals are bound to win one eventually, so I guess I'll take them in a mini upset.

Redskins at Cowboys: The Desperate-Fanbase Bowl! Seriously, are there any two fanbases who desperately believe they should always be winning but never are more than Dallas and Washington? At least Detroit fans know they're terrible. I'll take the Cowboys at home.

Texans at Titans: The Newly-Eliminated-From-Playoff-Contention Bowl! Saw this on my Milk Carton this morning: "Missing: Randy Moss. Was once a great Fantasy Receiver. Has not been seen in weeks; call Jeff Fisher if you have seen him." Um, Texans I guess.

Jaguars at Colts: The Seriously? Jacksonville? Bowl! Seriously? Jacksonville? I pick the Colts.

Chiefs at Rams: The Division-Leaders-By-A-Miracle Bowl! Both these teams must win to maintain their lead in their dangerous neck and neck divisions... Oh, sorry. I forgot these guys play in the West divisions. Take the Chiefs.

Bills at Dolphins: The Endangered-Species Bowl! Who knows. I hate Miami. I used to feel pity for Buffalo. Just take the home team and pray this game isn't on TV.

Eagles at Giants: The Finally-Someone-To-Tackle-Vick-And-Hurt-Him Bowl presented by PETA! Sorry, had to go there. But here's how good the Giants are at knocking out quarterbacks - they knocked Brett Favre out before the game even started... So I'll take the Giants.

Lions at Buccaneers: The 27-Is-Our-Lucky-Number Bowl! Unfortunately, the Buccaneers can beat crappy teams. Detroit is the epitome of crappy teams. Sidenote 1: through 15 weeks, I have misspelled the Buccaneers every time I tried. Even though my high school team was also the Bucs. Sidenote 2: Blogspot insists that 'Sidenote' is spelled incorrectly and wishes me to change it to 'Si denote.'

Cardinals at Panthers: The Win-By-Punt Bowl! If the defenses weren't so inept, I would have called this the "Win-By-Safety Bowl." Maybe Carolina can eke out a win here.

Saints at Ravens: The It's-Way-Hard-To-Think-Of-Clever-Names-When-Both-Teams-Don't-Suck Bowl! Although the Ravens may suck. They win, but have they impressed you yet? I'll take the Saints.

Falcons at Seahawks: The Bird Bowl! My greatest regret is moving away from Bird Bowl picking earlier this year. Even though Bird Bowling always sucked at making picks. This week, I don't care. I'm sticking with the Bird Bowling and picking Falcons. A falcon could totally beat up a seahawk, right? A seahawk is just a dumb name for a seagull, isn't it? Falcons are the Lock.

Broncos at Raiders: The Tim-Tebow-Introduction Bowl! Because you know that Tebow is coming in. You just don't know when. He's like a shark. You'll never know. I'll take Oakland.

Jets at Steelers: The Arrogant-Schmuck Bowl! Could you assemble a team of worst people? Rex Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Mark Sanchez, LDT, and the entirety of the Jets/Steelers organizations? Jets have been badly exposed the past two weeks, and that continues here.

Packers at Patriots: The Funny-Feeling Bowl! Because I have a funny feeling that after we spent the last three weeks comparing the Patriots to the 2007 we're due for a letdown. So I'll take the Packers.

Bears at Vikings: The Who-Cares-Now Bowl! Minnesota went from being the land of drama to the land of snoozes. Bears will probably win.

NFL Column: Playoffs Pictures Presented

Thoughts

I watched a quarter and a half of football this weekend. And you know what? I appreciated it a lot more. Besides having more time to spend on other things, I didn't spend my weekend zoning out watching a crappy Seattle game. I watched a couple of good quarters of Baltimore - Pittsburgh.

I think that's going to be a good new rule for me. If the game on sucks, I'm just not going to watch it. Why spend 6-8 hours in front of the TV on Sunday watching Pete Carroll acting like he has a soul?

That's my random NFL thought for the week. On to the rest of the column!

Week 13 Review

I correctly predicted that the Eagles, Saints, Packers, Chiefs, Vikings, Giants, Rams, Seahawks, Falcons and Patriots (lock) would all win. I also incorrectly predicted that the Bears (upset), Jaguars, Browns, Raiders, Cowboys, and Steelers would lose. In one note of pride, I did predict that the final score of the Ravens / Steelers game would be 13-10. It was close to being my lock.

Week Record: 9-6

Overall: 110-80

Lock: 9-4

Upset: 3-9

I know my records don't add up, but I'm not sure why. I'm certainly not going back to try to add it all up. This is my best guess at what my records are.

Week 14 Picks

A week of spoiler games! Lots of chances to sort out the playoffs, for crappy teams to rise up and have an impact on the postseason! By my count, 48 teams could be eliminated with a loss this week. Let's get right to it.

Colts at Titans - Whoever loses this game is effectively out of the playoff race. I have no idea what to expect here... If Manning posts another game like that last one, how can Indy win? But what are the chances that he does? And the Titans have been terrible since 'winning' Randy Moss. I'll take the Colts, I guess.

Browns at Bills - Two teams that play to their competition's level, which means that this should be a horrible game, right? I think I'll take Cleveland; Peyton Hillis should have a good game.

Packers at Lions - First playoff spoiler alert! If the Pack doesn't win, they have a hard road to get to the playoffs, because they probably wouldn't catch Chicago. Ultimately, good teams win these games and bad teams lose them. I'll take Green bay.

Giants at Vikings - Another potential spoiler. Giants need to win. And I think they will; their pass rush should knock Favre out on the first drive.

Bengals at Steelers - Let down game for Pittsburgh? Another spoiler game? If Pittsburgh loses this, but Baltimore wins (likely), then Pittsburgh's statement game last week means nothing. Should be a smashmouth game either way, and I like Pittsburgh's chances.

Buccaneers at Redskins - Crappy good team takes on good crappy team? Note: this is potentially a spoiler game, but probably not. Tampa won't make it to the playoffs, but if they lose this one, it's definitely goodbye for that pipe dream. I'll take the Bucs.

Falcons at Panthers - Not a spoiler game, because the Falcons are going to the playoffs regardless. But Carolina can salvage a little bit of pride by giving New Orleans a shot at the 1 seed if the Panthers were to win here. I'm going to say that probably won't happen. Atlanta.

Raiders at Jaguars - Saw what I wrote about Indy/Tennessee above? Probably the same here. The loser doesn't get a playoff berth. I think Oakland has the letdown game here, and Jaguars hang on to their division lead.

Rams at Saints - Tough road for Sam Bradford. To get into the playoffs, he'll need to beat the reigning Superbowl champions, who certainly aren't shoo-in's for the playoffs themselves. The Saints have started to look like they have some of that Superbowl Mojo back, so I'll stick with them.

Seahawks at 49ers - So far, I've picked all the favorites. Time to switch up things, because I'll take the 49ers as my upset. Seattle can't play on the road, we all know this to be true.

Patriots at Bears - How many more teams must the Patriots beat to prove they're the best? I find it absurd that they're listed 2nd in the ESPN Power rankings. Patriots by a mile in this game.

Dolphins at Jets - Jets can beat teams that aren't any good, so they should win this one.

Broncos at Cardinals - Cardinals can't score touchdowns! You have to pick Denver in this game, right? They can at least score.

Chiefs at Chargers - This isn't as exciting a game, because San Diego might have blown their chance to make it to the playoffs last week. If SD wins this, they're still a game behind. I'm jumping off the SD bandwagon - past performance is no indication of future success. San Diego follows their absurd 48 game December/January win streak by an 0-2 December streak this year.

Eagles at Cowboys - Cowboys can save themselves some respect by trying to knock the Eagles out of the playoff race. Don't think they'll succeed. Eagles.

Ravens at Texans - Here's one thing I'm realizing - exactly what type of offense is Baltimore? They have some great receivers, but Joe Flacco doesn't pile up stats. Their running backs are solid, but not spectacular. They just don't seem to have a personality in the way that New England or Pittsburgh or Indy do. That being said, I'll take Baltimore (as a lock even) because Houston has a terrible pass defense. (also, this is a spoiler game!)

Spoilers: I counted 11 teams that can basically knock other teams out of the playoffs this week. (For your records, I counted Texans, Cowboys, Raiders, Jaguars, Rams, Saints, Colts, Titans, Lions, Vikings, and Redskins). So we have two scenarios that could be interesting. All the favored teams win, and we basically know the playoff picture, eradicating a lot of the bottom feeders. Or (my personal favorite) underdogs all win, and we basically set the playoff picture on hold for a week and make things even more muddled.

Week 14... Are you ready for some football?

NFL: Week 13 Picks

A quick programming note: I'm done with the separate picks/reviews column. Next Wednesday there will be one column - review of week 13, preview of week 14. This must be done, so I feel like I have time to write something else during the week as well. If you don't like it, tough.

The Picks:

Texans at Eagles: This is the relative order of things: Vick > Texans Defense > Rusty Smith. Search your heart; you know this to be true.

Saints at Bengals: Does anyone believe the Bengals are any good? If they fired their coach, I would start to consider them. Stick with the Saints.

Bears at Lions: I'm taking Detroit as my revenge upset. Don't try to talk me out of it.

49ers at Packers: Troy Smith in the snow? Without Frank Gore? Please. Green Bay had so many chances to win last week - if McCarthy threw a challenge flag on any of five separate plays, they probably would have won, and we'd be talking about Green Bay as the best team in the country.

Jaguars at Titans: Flip a coin to see which team shows up. I heard Kerry Collins is playing, so I'll take Tennessee. Question: if Tennessee doesn't win another game this year, do we blame Vince Young or Randy Moss for the season torpedo?

Broncos at Chiefs: Chiefs looked pretty dominant last week. But hey lost very badly to Denver three weeks ago (the finger wagging game!) Plus, let's be honest. The Chiefs looked dominant against ... Seattle. My college flag football team would look good against Seattle, and we were a team of d-bags (even moreso than Cincy!). I'm taking the Chiefs, but I don't feel good about it.

Browns at Dolphins: Who cares. Dolphins.

Bills at Vikings: More who cares. Vikings.

Redskins at Giants: When the Giants win, they look preposterously good (minus last week). When they lose, they look preposterously bad. I think they'll post a good game this week.

Raiders at Chargers: Ah, the Chargers annual late bid for the playoffs. Do you think next year they should play their backups until week 5/6 and then play everyone? That would work right? (I pick SD).

Cowboys at Colts: What if the Colts lose this game? Can you imagine a situation where the Colts don't make it into the playoffs? It's a crazy game with a lot on the line for the Colts, and nothing on the line for Dallas. So, one of two things will happen. Manning will A) be clutch and win on the last drive in some spectacular fashion or B) fall under the pressure and throw a few more picks and lose badly again. I'm not picking against Manning three weeks in a row. It's been a good ride, but I'll go back to safety and take Manning.

Rams at Cardinals: Could the Cardinals go the rest of the season without scoring a touchdown? Believe it. I'll take the Rams. (Although I hope the Cards win so we can see what the worst possible record for a division champ could be).

Panthers at Seahawks: Don't back a crappy team on the road - I'll take Seahawks. See the Cardinals for why I hope Carolina wins though.

Falcons at Buccaneers: I already played an upset so I'll stick with the Falcons.

Steelers at Ravens: I'll take the Ravens. Can I set the Lock of the Week that this game is 13-10? Eh, probably not smart. I'll save the Lock...

Jets at Patriots: ...For this game! Patriots. Lock. I will never forgive you Bill Belichick if you let Mark Sanchez and Rex Ryan get a 1 seed. And that is that.