On Maturity

Interesting week. I'm prepared to chime in on a few different topics this week, but I figured I would start with a discussion on maturity.

To get the topic started, why don't you look at Donald Miller's post: I Know how Old You Are. If you're too lazy to click over, the main point that Donald seems to be making is that the vast majority of his criticisms come from young angry white male twenty year olds. And Don relates it to a discussion of maturity.

What made Don's post stick with me was something that happened to me last week - I received a verbal warning from my supervisor. I don't want to examine the content of the warning presently (perhaps later this week), but I do want to examine the possibilities I have for response.


The first response, the angry white twenty-year-old male response is:

"Well, that's unfair. Most of that is beyond my control. It's certainly not my fault; if other people took a second to listen to my side of it, then they would understand."

This would probably not be an unfounded response. I'm sure I could respond line-by-line from everything my supervisor said and justify and explain every single one of my actions that led to the warning. And I think, bottom line, this response comes from a place of fear; a moment where I (or whomever) is thinking only about protecting myself and my 'territory.'


So while that wouldn't be an unfounded response, it certainly wouldn't be a mature one. So let's look at the second response:

"You know what, you're right. I handled these situations poorly, and my response cost something, whether that's in relationships or reputation. I own that, and need to find ways to improve my ability to act and react appropriately."


Now, this post is not to set about and pat myself on the back for my response. I'm fairly confident that I responded in both immature and mature ways (and even if I didn't do so in the actual meeting, I did so in my head). This post is to help remind me to continue growing in that regard.

I look back at my life, and I see situations that have arisen where a response was called for. And there are far too many situations where the response I made was the immature and defensive response; one that wasn't made with growth in mind. I have made many responses in my life based on a fear of even looking bad; I have often entered into situations like the one I did this week with the sole thought of 'how do I come out of this intact? How do I not let this overthrow the status quo? How do I make it clear that this isn't my fault?'

What should I learn from this experience? What does this tell me about who I have been? What does this reveal about who I am? How does this impact who I want to be? These are much better questions to ask in this sort of situation.

In another way of looking at it, immaturity is about protecting my territory, and making sure I don't have to move. It's a turtle that just hides when ever any situation appears dangerous. A better, more mature response, is that of a whale - never staying in the same place, never settling, never retreating, never panicking.

I hope this makes sense and isn't just me rambling. Tell me what you think in the comments below.

Oh, and check back later this week for: NFL week 11 picks, further discussion of the warning, a discussion about being hip, and who knows what else.

Grace and Peace