That moment where you have to stop where you are and pick it up again later. It drives me crazy when I have to pause a movie and stop in the middle of some cool action scene (or more accurately, when my wife pauses the movie).
What's worse is when you pause the movie and get so engrossed in something else, that you forget about your movie until a few hours later. My DVD player will shut off about twenty minutes after you pause it, if you don't do anything. Then you have to try to restart, figure out where you were, and hope the beginning of the movie remains fresh.
Life pauses too. And my life has been in a (meta)pause, and a (mini?) pause.
Last week, my car blew a head gasket. The repair will cost between two and three grand - money I just don't have. It's been so frustrating, because I've been thinking about all the things I wanted to do this year - look at my New Years Resolutions, for jeepers sake! And without a car, a lot of those seem unreachable or unattainable. I felt like I was growing and in a good place, and all of a sudden it was three steps backwards.
Isn't there a cruel irony in finally paying for YMCA membership and using it to get in shape and then your car breaks and you can't get there?
So my life is in a (mini)pause.
But my life is also in a (meta)pause.
My life had forward momentum until I got married. Now I'm married, but there isn't a momentum in my life, because I'm in the "supporting spouse" role right now. I'm not complaining - I love my wife, I love being married, and I love being in Seattle. It just seems strange that I haven't taken an active role at a church in two years. I haven't applied for a pastorate type position in about a year and a half.
And that's not necessarily bad. I think I burned myself out in those roles for a long time. Perhaps instead of using the word pause, I should think of this time in my life as a breather?
Breather: A moment of anticipation where you stand on the edge of a slippery dock and wait to jump into the icy water.
When I think in those terms, it's helpful. Pause, for me, is so negative, but breather is beautiful and full of hope. So currently in my life, I'm in a (meta)breather and a (mini)breather.
I don't know. Hopefully these thoughts are helpful - what do you think?
Postscript: I struggled to not make (meno)pause jokes the entire time I was writing this.
Tune in later for: The church experience I'm in currently versus Imagine Church
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