I recently had an experience unlike any other: My first kiss. It was unique (to me) for obvious reasons; I had never kissed anyone before. It was unique for a few other reasons.
I walked Jan to her car. I care about Jan deeply. I have told Jan I love her, and she has said the same to me. Jan is also not her real name, if you're wondering. Jan and I have a long and complicated relationship. I thought things were going to perhaps stabilize once I moved back to the area, and they did, for a week. We started to casually date, and I was actually playing cards with her parents the night I walked her to her car. As we got to her car, she dropped a bombshell.
"I don't want you as much as you want me. I'm not sure; don't know if I'll ever be sure. I think we should just be friends. I'm sorry. I wish that it was easier. I wish I could be sure. I want to want you more than I do. You're not the boy I dream about."
And I am dumbfounded, blindsided by the uncertainty. As I look into the stars, there is no proper response. So I said "Screw it." and then I kissed her.
So that was my first kiss. The rest of that particular story and relationship remains to be told, but I want to focus on just that story. Because as I have been reflecting and agonizing on this, I keep coming back to the Cross.
Doesn't the story of the Cross seem to parallel this story a bit? I am certainly not comparing myself to Jesus, but I think I learned a bit about the love it must have taken to step out in faith. Let me illustrate it for you.
God and People have a long and complicated relationship. God has told People that he loved them, and People have responded in kind. But for whatever reason, People are never able to fully commit. Sin and Idolatry and Adultery keep coming in between them. God moves to the area in Jesus, and hopes for things to stabilize. But People still don't realize the love of God, and are desperately pushing Jesus away. In one last ditch effort, Jesus dies on the cross for the People who don't want him.
Maybe it's sacrilegious, but I wonder if Jesus saying "Screw it, I'll die anyway," is a stretch.
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